Do you ever feel like you’re missing something?
For the longest time, I’ve been trying to shake this feeling that I’m not meeting my potential. That I could be doing so much more- something that not only would be more fulfilling to myself but to others as well. Somehow, I just feel like I should be doing something else.
As much as I try to be comfortable where I am, I just can’t be. I know that I’m settling.
And there’s all this tralala that says, you’re right where you’re supposed to be. But you know what, I just can’t come to terms with that. If I’m right where I’m supposed to be, I’m only here to get angry to make something else happen.
So what am I to do? Follow my passion? But what if I still have NO CLUE what I’m passionate about?
Not a clue!
Sure I like things, and yes, I pursue them but an actual passion? Something that I could spend all my time doing if I were given the opportunity? Not a clue. I guess I’ve never really been an extreme person but still, not one single passion? Am I broken?
And I only say that because I feel like I’m missing something. If I were happy where I was, if I didn’t have this NAGGING FEELING that doesn’t leave me alone for more than a few days at a time, then maybe I wouldn’t be so worried about what I’m passionate about- about what else I could be doing. Instead though, I have this unshakable feeling that I should be doing something else.
The thing is that this something else doesn’t exist in the future. There is no comfort in knowing I’m going to grad school which will lead to something down the road, there is no comfort in the future because I’m fairly certain that I should be doing that other thing RIGHT NOW. But what is it??
I recently met someone as well. And his future would be perfect for my future as well. I would love to do all the things that he talks about! But again, even hoping that works out, it is so far in the future that I’m still sitting here, scratching my head, wondering what I’m supposed to be doing RIGHT NOW.
I wish that that path would just reveal itself to me. C’mon, a little help over here? And not just reveal itself like, hey, this is what you should be doing, but be like, HEY THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING and Oh, here’s a lot little help to get you there!
I know this is safe. I know this is settling. I know there is something else. But WHAT? I like change. I’m open to new possibilities. I can take a risk (I think). But I need something to be worth that risk. I assume that is my passion. C’mon, don’t just give me a hint, SMACK ME IN THE FACE WITH IT. Please. I’m going crazy.
We have the same theme. Yay, go us. As a bit of a Gypsy, I feel similarly… however, I’ve learned to stop looking for the next thing and enjoy the now thing. Of course, my constant nagging feeling is my Mother’s voice, inside my head, which even at 25 I haven’t figured out how to drown out… Still, maybe it’s good that we’re never satisfied. I see so many people completely content to be completely average, and I just can’t help but think there’s so much more to life than “good enough.” Best of luck to you (and me) in our search for more :)
Hey girl!
Thanks for the camaraderie :) I still have my mom’s voice in my head… its more about avoiding her life failures in my own. But I think you’re right. That all we have is the present and its about making the present the best thing that we can. Ultimately, it will lead to other great things too whether we’re trying or not.