Sunday was my day off and it was raining. I wanted to bake so badly but I knew it wasn’t an option. I just wouldn’t have gotten the same enjoyment out of it.
So instead of wishing for something that I couldn’t have, I read a whole book cover to cover, watched TED talks and chatted with friends. It was the best thing, I realize, that I could have done that day given all the circumstances at hand.
So I’m having this realization that you need to do what’s best for you right where you are, at that moment. I know this is obvious and something that I talk about with my friends but I’m applying it to my life instead of merely philosophizing.
That night I was talking to my friend Brad about life and being where you are etc. He was talking about staying away from phrases like, “things would be so much better if…” and then he said something, that was much more profound than I think he realized:
Brad: I know when I think “things would be so much better if…”
Brad: it’s always if I just establish my career
Brad: if I get my break, everything will be much better
Brad: does it have to do with finding a career?
Brad: I don’t picture you as someone that is ready to settle into a career
LR/IM: no?
LR/IM: how do you picture me?
Brad: hmmm
Brad: I picture you as someone that wants to do a million things
Brad: and not have a reason to live in the same place
Which is exactly how I feel about myself. Exactly.
I’ve been struggling a lot recently with the whole why-am-I-not-a-successful-career-woman-yet quarter life crisis. Hearing this from someone like Brad was a huge relief. Here is someone that I didn’t meet in high school or college when I had a master plan and all the answers to make it happen. Here is someone who met me right here, in this stage of life when I don’t know where I’m going. Yet he still values me and the life I’m leading. He sees it probably clearer than I see it myself; an outside perspective on a life I should be proud of.
I have the best friends in the world. And they accept me for all of this too. I am their Twinsie, their Berrie and their science project partner from 5th grade. But it also helps so much to have a new friend, like Brad see you just the way that you see yourself. I guess I’m living more authentically than I thought. Maybe I just need to own it more.
