It struck me today, in the midst of this big ol’ adventure, that I had not had fun in a while.
Between work, moving in, nesting, and spending time with Eddie, I just really haven’t done anything FUN.
That’s not to say that Eddie isn’t fun. I think it’s more that I haven’t done anything on my own in a while. Nothing for me. And Eddie is everywhere. Which I like, but getting used to spending your time- YOUR time, with someone else is tiring. Figuring out where he fits in when you’re hanging out with your friends for example… figuring out where YOU fit in. This whole relationship thing is new and well, I’m still feeling it out.
I think that two things… well, three need to happen.
One, I need to do some things on my own. Just for me. Bike rides, cafes, spending time with friends- just friends. Tonight for example, I’m going to yoga. Alone. Even though someone else (*ahem* Eddie) might be inclined to join in.
I think the other thing that I have to do is to be myself in friend dynamics, not part of a couple. Because really, who wants to hang out with a couple? And also, it’s DRAINING to be constantly thinking about the other person. I don’t enjoy myself the way I know I should.
All of that being said, I can only see all of this adding to my relationship. Making it lighter, more carefree which, during all this adjustment, commuting, stress… would really make it so much more satisfying and FUN.
The third thing relates to the first. I need a new job. I need a schedule that I can plan for. So I can volunteer, join a team etc. I also need a pay increase so that I can afford to be on said team and join the rock climbing gym by my house.
Also, I think that coming from a place of, “wanting more out of my life” is such a better place to be looking for a job than the normal “I hate my job” thing. I don’t, really. It’s just preventing me from living the life that I want to live.
So, I’m going to yoga tonight- alone- so I can simultaneously align my goals and my spine with some sun salutations. Namaste!
